November 17, 2017, 06:52:12 PM

Author Topic: Comstar News Network - Political Upheaval In the Outworlds Alliance!  (Read 105 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Comstar News Network

  • Cadet
  • *
  • Posts: 40
  • Karma: 27
    • View Profile
Comstar News Network
11/12/3062




Mischa Karmoulitis, Political Analyst, Outworlds Foundation: Hello and welcome to a special report from Comstar News Network. With interstellar news being so active today I have been asked to stand in for Brother Augustus Grim, Lead Anchor. I trust that the Wisdom of Blake will guide me as I bring you this report.


Mischa Karmoulitis, Political Analyst, Outworlds Foundation: Chaos reigns on Alpheratz tonight as allegations of misconduct against the President of Parliament are brought to light. Several Advisors who were recently fired by the President have come forth with claims that the President has been on a drug-fueled binge with Capellan prostitutes ever since he took office. There are reports that a special session of Parliament is being convened and rumors abound that an Impeachment might be in the air. The President's allies in the Parliament are trying to stop the proceedings but are facing heavy opposition even within their own party.


Mischa Karmoulitis, Political Analyst, Outworlds Foundation: When we asked the President's Press Secretary for a response to these allegations, his prepared statement was interrupted by the President himself, who came to the podium and seized the microphone.



Mischa Karmoulitis, Political Analyst, Outworlds Foundation: What the President said was very difficult to understand, but we hope to have a full translation and recording of the speech to share with you later tonight.

Until then, thanks for watching Comstar News!



 
« Last Edit: November 13, 2017, 01:13:51 PM by Comstar News Network »

Offline Comstar News Network

  • Cadet
  • *
  • Posts: 40
  • Karma: 27
    • View Profile
Comstar News Network - Political Upheaval In the Outworlds Alliance!
« Reply #1 on: November 15, 2017, 08:06:23 AM »
Comstar News Network
11/15/3062


NEWS FLASH - IMPEACHMENT HEARINGS IN THE OUTWORLDS ALLIANCE



Mischa Karmoulitis, Political Analyst, Outworlds Foundation: Good morning! We have breaking news on events in the Outworlds Alliance. Reports now confirm that a special session of the Outworlds Alliance Parliament has been convened to debate impeachment proceedings against President of the Parliament Naterist!



Mischa Karmoulitis, Political Analyst, Outworlds Foundation: The President's remaining allies in Parliament have lined up a series of declarations which most analysts expect to be used as filibusters. They hope to stretch these declaratory speeches out so long that they fill up all of the time allotted for the special session, thereby derailing the impeachment. It remains to be seen if this tactic will stand up against what appears to be a solid majority of Parliament Members who wish to hear the accusations against President Naterist in detail, including testimony from a young woman who claims that the President snorted cocaine from her "rear" while discussing military planning with top officials. The picture on-screen is a photo of this young lady that we found on an extranet site offering high-priced call girls on Alpheratz.


"Ashley A." a nineteen year-old professional escort
who claims to have worked for the President


Mischa Karmoulitis, Political Analyst, Outworlds Foundation: Stay tuned for more updates throughout the day and glory to Blake!

Offline Comstar News Network

  • Cadet
  • *
  • Posts: 40
  • Karma: 27
    • View Profile
Re: Comstar News Network - President of the OWA resigns!
« Reply #2 on: Today at 06:41:33 AM »
Comstar News Network
11/17/3062




Mischa Karmoulitis, Political Analyst, Outworlds Foundation: Good evening from the Comstar studios and all praise to Blake! We have brought you ongoing coverage of the impeachment proceedings in the Outworlds Alliance over the past few days but now even more shocking news has been released. In a speech before the OWA Parliament just moments ago, President of the Parliament Naterist has announced that he is resigning.


Broadcast from Alpheratz:



This is the 37th time I have spoken to you from this office, where so many decisions have been made that shape the history of this great, great nation. In all the decisions I have made in my public life I have always tried to do what was best for the Outworlds Alliance.

Throughout the long and difficult period of this media-created fake news witch hunt, I have felt it was my duty to persevere -- to make every possible effort to continue the term of office to which our great citizens elected me and to keep working to make the OWA great again. In the past few days, however, it has become evident to me that I no longer have a strong enough political base in the Parliament to justify continuing that effort. Boys will be boys and men will be men. I do not feel that I have done anything that I shouldn’t have while serving our great people. Hard-working men play hard too and for any of you and the treacherous fake-news media to think you can slap me on the wrist and make me behave like you are my boss well I have one thing to say to you. You’re WRONG. WRONG.


I think everyone here knows that I am extremely well-off. To be blunt, I am rich and successful. If I want girls, I get girls. This young lady, Ashley, whom you have brought in here and talked into saying all these bad things about me, just take a look at this girl. Just look at these holopics my media guy is displaying. She’s cute. She has great hair, a great rack, a great ass.
 


But guess what, I don’t have to be President of the Parliament to get girls that like. I can have 10 of the most premium young hotties lined up in my office at any time. Any time! I’m rich, I have great hair, I am famous and obviously I do very well with the ladies.

To leave office before my term is completed is abhorrent to every instinct in my body. But as President, I must put the interests of Outworlds Alliance first.

The Outworlds Alliance needs a full-time President and a full-time Parliament, particularly at this time with problems we face at home and abroad. To continue to fight through the months ahead for my personal vindication would almost totally absorb the time and attention of both the President and the Parliament in a period when our entire focus should be on the great issues of peace abroad, prosperity at home and making the Outworlds Alliance great again.

You think you can have some impeachment proceeding here and take a vote and bang a gavel and fire ME? WRONG!


You can’t fire me because I quit first! You’re the ones that are fired, I’m out! I shall resign the Presidency of the Parliament effective at noon tomorrow and get back to being rich and successful and hooking up with the most beautiful women in the universe, floating down an artificial river filled with premium liquor in a gold barge loaded with hot call-girls and the finest coke in the entire Inner Sphere while my beautiful model wife willingly steers the whole thing and keeps an eye on the kids to keep them out of the nose-candy.


Good luck finding someone with the savvy, the brains, the genius ideas, the extremely big IQ, large hands and amazing taste in decorating and women to pick up where I left off.
« Last Edit: Today at 02:28:47 PM by Comstar News Network »

Offline Naterist

  • Periphery State Representative
  • *
  • Posts: 20
  • Karma: 7
    • View Profile
  • Unit: outworlds alliance
The pumpkin president sat in his golden elevator, looking at the rest of the abbsndoned tower he owned. Abbandoned.... well except for the piles and piles of hatemail. The ex president sat so still that if anyone had been watching for the past hour, they would have thought hed either turned to stone, or passed away. Without any warning though, the ex president stood up.

"FUCK IT IM MOVING TO MARIK"

The old man gathered his trophies and gold into a big old suitcase, and was just about to walk out the door when he smelled smoke. A girl with a chubby body and bright red hair stood before him. Oh god, he thought to himself, the sjws are here.....


Later that night he died screaming.